I bet he comes in French.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
