you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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