note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sext me about skeletons
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
