he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
