That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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