when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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