best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
