i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
