the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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