just tell him i said nine months
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
