Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
