clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
