:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you didnt know i had herpes?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
