Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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