An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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