My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
