i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
