yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
