so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
