please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
