do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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