In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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