He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
