I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
