If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
