i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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