don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
tell me about the eggs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
