All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
