Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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