You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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