ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
