I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
