eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
