Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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