Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
