you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
