I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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