i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
