You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
