and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My breasts were aching with rage.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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