we're blogging at a bar
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
