there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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