i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
