Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
