The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
