My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
