Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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