he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
