I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think people are normalizing furries
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
