I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
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