I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
